Taking you for a ride

I haven't been online for a while, mostly because I've been doing this:

Also because I've been playing with my new Christmas toy (the video camera).

My brilliant snow removal invention

Why hasn't anyone thought of this? Here's the idea I had when I was shoveling snow this week:


That's right, a flamethrower/driveway de-snower. If I worked in research and development somewhere, this would be happening all over America. Driveways would be clear in 30 seconds flat, and families would have more time to spend together sledding and building snow-men. Family relationships would improve, kids would get into less trouble, people would just be happier all around, and eventually all the world's problems would be solved.

I should be in charge of more things.

Demotivation

While I'm on the subject of irony, I'd like to share with you what I feel is one of the most ironic news stories I've ever heard. You know those motivational posters that are all over the workplace in an attempt to somehow keep employees motivated? Well the company that makes them had to lay off 34 employees.

It happened about three weeks ago and you can read about it here in the Dayton Daily News. I'm sure you've also seen the parodies known as "Demotivators." I'm sharing this story now because the past two days were some of the most de-motivating I've ever had. I'd spent several weeks getting ready for my dental board exams and thought it would be a good idea to schedule it in Salt Lake City for the first two days of my Christmas break so I could get it out of the way and just relax. Well, turns out my plan had a few kinks in it - mainly due to mother nature and her desire to keep Californians out of Las Vegas for a couple days.

Eventually we made it, and I took the first half of the test today and feel pretty good about it. In an attempt to share my de-motivation with the world, I've created my own posters. These won't make any sense by themselves, but together they tell our story.







Go here to create your own demotivational poster. Also, special thanks to Joe and Stephanie for their excellent internet and cellular telephone skills and helping us find the one place that still had any vacancy, and special thanks to the Desert Mirage Inn for the wonderful accommodations.

Needles.

There is just too much irony here for me not to write about. I'm blogging to you tonight from a place called Needles. The next time I hear anyone say "I hate needles" - a saying I actually hear quite frequently in my line of work which involves poking people's gums with a needle - I can tell them, "Oh yeah? One time I was stuck in Needles!"
If this doesn't make any sense it's because I'm exhausted from driving all day and getting nowhere.

I hate Needles.

Children's trip to the north pole

Just to offset my Christmas Rant, I thought I'd share this touching story about how United Airlines teamed up with Children's Hospice International to make some sick kids really happy. Way to go United. When I can afford to fly places, I'll keep this story in mind.

Google - is there anything they can't do?

I was browsing through available blogger widgets and found the little gem I put near the bottom of my side bar. It's a slide show of pictures that were recently uploaded to other blogs. I've been watching it and whenever I see something that looks interesting, I click and read. The problem is, many of the blogs look something like this when I get there:

Hei. Tervetuloa blogiin! Finally - te tiedä, miten käyttää tätä löytää oman erityisen salainen viesti! Arvaa mitä? There's piilotettu Ninja pelin tällä sivulla. Osoita, että kuvan alareunassa tämän sivun mennä leikkimään Ninja käsine. Ja älä kerro kenellekään, ne on löydettävä se itse.

That's where google translate comes in. It will translate among 34 different languages. It's a fun way to read blogs because when sentence structure is all messed up, everything sounds either really deep and poetic, or just stupid, depending on the subject matter.

Recently I was curious to see if I sounded as stupid when my blog is translated as everyone else does. I translated one of my recent posts to Indonesian and then back to English and it was hilarious! The best example was that "All I wanted was a hot dog" was changed to "I wanted all of the hot dogs."

To demonstrate, I'm re-capping a certain event in my life and translating it from English to Czech to Indonesian to Filipino to Swedish and back to English:

So there I am in a small town in Mexico, confusion, how it will look like a city from the top of the bell tower from a local church. Sonny and I decided to learn how we batter creeping into the night Catholic complexity. We Circumnavigated whole building looking for the best way, and finally decided we should set up a ladder in front of the building, making it possible for us to have access to the lowest part of the roof. I take several steps in the stairs, and I believe spid kick in. I know that there is something wrong. Even spread to the right of the platform, only to find my people, I sneak around the building. That we can come into contact with eyes, and I decided my best bet is to run like mad. Sonny and I passed the door and impossible to walk several blocks we stop. Then we have perhaps a good idea to tell people waiting for us outside, so it should not get in trouble, or to give us. We are divided so that a person to see me might not recognize me. When we approached the building we heard sirens and we all ducked into a dark room and HID. He was furious, we will see at least 10 policemen for Trucks unit, each carrying police behind 5. What we sneakily running the upside, and finally back to where we live.

Finally, a way to play the telephone game all by yourself! Your challenge? You have to translate your comments at least twice before posting them.

Enter The Dental Ninja....

My blog has gone the way of the Beatles, the Beach Boys, Pink Flloyd, Led Zepplin, Guns 'n Roses, and the Smashing Pumpkins. It has split up.

The topics "Dentistry" and "Ninjutsu" decided they'd be better of forming their own blog, leaving this site to "journal," "movies," "politics," and "random." Mostly random.

Why? They say that in order to write a quality blog you need to picture your readers and focus on them. I found myself going back and forth between addressing two groups of readers: those who care what I do on my vacation and those who don't.

Enter The Dental Ninja. This blog will contain very little details of my personal life but will be a repository of the more amusing side of dentistry, mostly from the news. In fact, you should go there now to read the interesting account of a 3-year-old who injured 7 teeth in a failed attempt to get out of a cage. Gad Zooks!

PS, which entry page do you like more?

Ninjaland

There are at least 3 groups of people against whom Disneyland discriminates:

#1 - Muslim Women

#2 - Certain Facial Burn Victims

#3 - Ninjas

Notice a common theme? More on that later.

First, I want to re-cap our successful commemoration of "Day of the Ninja" yesterday. We chose to celebrate the holiday at Disneyland and had a great time. I need to explain that I've heard rumors that Disneyland frowns upon their adult patrons dressing up in costumes. This makes sense because suppose I were to spent the day dressed up as, oh, let's say Donald Duck. People would probably want to take pictures with me and this might really get on my nerves and eventually ruin my day. After all, I just came to go on the rides dressed as a duck, but every time I turn around kids are swarming me and the parents trying to get that perfect photo for the Christmas card. Aye, aye aye!! I'd then decide to demand my money back and get in a big argument with some poor window lady. Nobody wins. (I'm sure they have their other reasons as well, like maybe creepy old men dressing up as Tinkerbelle? There's a mental image you wanted.)

Therefore, I decided to attend the park as a double ninja: while on the rides I was a full-fledged ninja. Walking around, however, I was using the "blend-in" ninja technique and tried my best to look like a normal guy who happened to be wearing a ninja shirt. Success? You decide:


Now to my accusation that Disneyland allegedly discriminates. As soon as we got to the park we went straight to "Splash Mountain" and I got on within 5 minutes using the single-rider line (wahoo!) and got in the back seat.I was so excited to be showing my ninja pride that I considered doing something I've never done before: paying $15 for a stupid roller coaster photo. After boarding the ride, I frantically put on my ninja garb. This was going to be the coolest splash mountain picture EVAR! I tapped on the shoulder of the 12-year-old boy sitting in front of me and let him know how awesome the picture would be because I was dressed as a ninja! He said nothing and ignored me the rest of the ride. (He's probably had bad experiences with ninjas before.) I didn't care. I was still having the time of my life. When it came time for the big drop, I quickly located the camera and did my beast ninja pose - death stare and all! Boo-yeah. A couple minutes later we floated up to a large monitor that would display our photo. I was so excited for that family to get the surprise of their lives - they had been riding with a ninja all along and didn't even know it! What did I see instead?

This:

Oh Really? A digital photo washed away? Right. I quickly caught up with my family and vented for a while.

We continued with our ninja plans and went to "California Screamin" at the other end of the park. My wife was able to take these just before blast off:





This time the official roller coaster camera actually showed me all ninja-like. While Melissa and I were talking to each other deciding if it would be worth $15, the kind lady at the counter informed me that she actually wasn't allowed to sell me the picture. Here's the gist of the ensuing discussion:

Me: Really? Why not?
Her: Because your face can't be covered when you're on the ride.
Me: Oh, ok. I understand. But wait! (whispering) What about Muslims?
Her: What?
Me: (leaning in closer and whispering a little louder) What about MUSLIMS? You know, the women who can't expose their faces in public. What if they wanted to ride?
Her: Well they aren't allowed to ride this ride with anything covering their faces.
Me: REALLY? Even though that goes directly against their religious beliefs?
Her: Yeah, but you know, that issue has never come up the whole time I've been here. It hasn't happened at all in the past two years.
Me: (looking around) I guess you're right, I don't see too many of them here. Well next time I come here I'm going to bring all my Muslim girlfriends and we'll be in the news! (but I said this with a smile so as not to scare her)

So there you have it. No face-covering while on roller coasters at Disneyland. Because I don't consider the Buzz Lightyear ride a roller coaster, I figured the rule didn't apply and we were able to get these beauties (notice my little ninja-in-training):






Also, I was able to email myself the official Buzz Lightyear photo:

All things considered, this was my best "Day of the Ninja" yet.

Day of the Ninja

I've mentioned this a couple times already but now that "Day of the Ninja" is almost here, I thought I'd pass along a few ideas of how you might celebrate. Be sure to send photos or your ninja stories to me to be included in the Day of the Ninja Re-cap.

Ninja idea #1 - find a new hiding place in your home. Look around and think like a ninja. Then, when an unsuspecting family member or roommate wanders by, sneak up and scare them and kindly remind them that you could have killed them if you wanted to, so they owe you - big time.

Ninja idea #2 - Perfect the art of Ninja sneaking. Practice walking in such a way that your toes never lose contact with the ground. If you go slowly, this makes much less noise than regular walking because you won't step on any crunchy leaves or twigs.

Ninja idea #3 - Dress up like a ninja. No ninja clothes? Not to worry! Just grab an old t-shirt and follow these instructions. Or, try my makeshift method of just putting on a hoodie and tying a scarf around your head, like this:



FYI, you should know that ninjas don't always have to wear ninja suits. In ancient times, ninjas were known to dress as common farmers or peasants. When they're not out at night doing their ninja thing, ninjas often dress in such a way as to blend in with they're environment, like this guy:


See if you can find the ninja in this picture. Scroll down when you give up.


There he is:




(Tomorrow morning I plan on wearing light blue scrubs so I blend in with all the dental students around me.)

Ninja idea #4 - Using the makeshift ninja garb from idea #3, get out and be seen. I realize ninjas aren't supposed to be seen, but on the "Day of the Ninja" it's ok to make the world aware of your presence. Personally, I am inspired by this video and would probably do the same thing in the local parks if I weren't afraid someone would shoot me. I've got something else planned for tomorrow afternoon - check back in a few days.

Rhodesian Ridgebacks

One thing that helps me and Melissa get through dental school is to think (dream) about what the next stage of our life will be like. One thing I'm most looking forward to is having a backyard. Once we get a backyard, it only makes sense to get Jordan a puppy. I decided long ago that our first dog would be a Rhodesian Ridgeback. This video helped me convince Melissa it was a good idea:

And Jordan was on board once he saw this video of some puppies playing.

I first learned about these dogs when I met Jack, a Rhodesian Ridgeback living on a US army base in Germany. The funny thing is that I totally forgot the names of the family he lived with! Here are some fun facts about Ridgbacks, mostly from wikipedia:

• Another name for this breed is the "African Lion Hound." How cool is that?
• The distinguishing feature is a ridge of hair on it's back that runs opposite the rest of the coat. Thus, a ridge-back.
• They can be "aloof to strangers" but seriously, who among us isn't? He may not be much use against a burglar, but that's a decent trade-off for not annoying the neighbors.
• Ridgebacks posses a "sensitive side." This should come in handy on the weekends when I just want to watch a chick-flick but Melissa's too busy with her stupid football games.
• The breed originated in South Africa, just like Charlize Theron, but unlike Charlize Theron, the dogs were used in packs to hunt lions. They would keep the lions distracted while the hunter would make the kill.
• Ridgebacks have well-developed teeth. I have no idea what that means, but it sounds appropriate for the dog of a dentist.
  

Lastly, I'd like to remind you that this Friday is the 5th annual day of the ninja so make your plans now. Coolest ninja story gets a prize.

Christmas is Canceled

If I were in charge of America, today's headline would inform everyone that Christmas was canceled. I don't mean "in charge" like Barack Obama, I mean it like if I was America's father and America was my 9-year-old child. (On a totally unrelated note, when are the spell-checkers going to start recognizing the words "Barack" and "Obama?")

Why would I do such a heartless thing? Because of how disgusted I am with this story, which I'm sure you've already heard, where a 34-year-old New Jersey Wal-mart employee was trampled to death by eager customers. The article says "the exact cause of death has not been determined." Here's my guess - greed.

I read about this story just before heading out to do a little shopping at the Costco and it put a real damper on my day. The store was jam packed and people weren't really being considerate of each other. All I wanted was a hot dog.

Melissa and I agreed that if our children ever get too caught up in the selfish, materialistic aspects of Christmas, we'd have no problem doing a reality check and significantly limiting the gifts for the year, or "canceling" Christmas, if you will. This led me to reflect on my childhood Christmases and trying to remember the "stuff" I got. After trying for 5 minutes, I can remember:

1. A motorcycle track me and my brother got to share. I loved it because it had a loop-de-loop.

2. A trophy. Yup, as a child I asked for a trophy for Christmas. I remember walking around with my mom at the local D.I. (a second-hand shop) and looking at trophies. She convinced me that Santa's helpers were watching and that if I acted like I really liked one of them, they'd know which one I wanted. (She then convinced me the small silver baseball trophy was much cooler than the giant golden one).

3. A bicycle. I actually remember getting two. A BMX when I was little and a huffy mountain bike a few years later.

4. A radio.

5. Roller blades.

I'm sure if I really tried I could think of more things, but it would take some effort. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I think Homer Simpson said it best when he said:

"...every time I learn something new, something old gets pushed out. Remember that time I took that home wine-making class, and I forgot how to drive?"

I think learning how to do root canals is what pushed out my Christmas memories. Stupid root canals.

My point is that after all these years I don't really remember much of the "stuff" I got. On the other hand, I will always cherish the traditions my family had. My parents were really good at helping us focus on those around us. I don't want to reveal too much about what we would do, but suffice it to say as a teenager I learned that the rush from sneaking around like a ninja doing secret nice things was just as fun as sneaking around doing mischief.

I feel bad writing such a negative post when many of my blogger friends are listing things they are grateful for. I am looking forward to Christmas and don't think all of American needs to have it canceled. Also, I can't lie, I'm really excited for the day when my children are older and I can enjoy the looks on their faces Christmas morning. Who knows, maybe all those people involved in the Wal-mart stampede were just so selflessly caught up in getting something nice for their children that they didn't realize they were trampling someone.

Probably not.

My next post will be about puppies.

Ninja cat!

Now that you know about my ninja obsession, I feel obligated to share with you the joys of "ninja cat." Watch it come closer without moving. He has truly mastered the art of stealth.

A real "Role Model"

There are now two reasons I cheer for Tony Romo.

1. His college football coach was Bob Spoo, and that's just flat out one of the coolest names out there. Bob Spoo:


2. This story, which reports how Tony paid for the movie ticket of a homeless man to see the show "Role Models" and even invited the smelly guy to sit next to him and his buddy. The article also mentions an incident earlier this year where Romo stopped to help a couple change a tire on his way home from a game. How cool would that be?

These two reasons are enough to out-weigh my only reason to cheer against him - he plays for the stupid Dallas Cowboys.

It's so rare that you see a world-class athlete who also happens to be really classy. I'm convinced Tony is a genuinely nice guy and it would be nice to see him win a Super Bowl. Besides, you still have to sort of feel bad for him about this:

Zerberts

When I was a kid we called them "zerberts." I thought everyone called them that, and didn't hear the term "blowing raspberries" until I left home. Over the years I never met anyone else who called them zerberts so I started thinking maybe that was just a made-up family thing. (Although to be fair, this isn't a conversation that comes up regularly in my social circles). Then I googled "zerbert" and found the Urban Dictionary definition of the zerbert. Apparently the Huxtable family also called them zerberts, so it makes sense that we would say it because I remember watching The Cosby Show all the time as a kid.

Melissa's family calls them fobees. I'm thinking her family made this one up because google doesn't give us any relevent results, although she's not exactly sure about the correct spelling of fobee. (Phobee? Fowby? Faux bee? Fobi?)

Anyway, the reason for this informative dissertation on zerberts is that this little guy recently perfected the art of a zerbert:


We taught him how to do one and were both amazed that his sounded so much better than ours! They sound just like farts! I've convinced Melissa that we need to continue the tradition and keep calling them zerberts.

Also, Jordan thinks he can fly:

Some more movie reviews

I have some good ones and some bad ones to report on this time. Also, I've taken it upon myself to make a complete movie review archive. (Wow, I've seen a lot of movies since March).

Legend of Butch and Sundance

I'd never heard of this movie but it was at the local redbox during a time when not much else was, so we tried it. I actually really liked it simply because watching a good wholesome western was a nice break from a lot of the high-budget crap that comes from Hollywood. The Movie was very similar to "American Outlaws". I liked both of them. My biggest (and only) complaint is the casting. The two main characters seemed too much like pretty-boys from the valley and not tough rugged cowboys.

Recommendation: Like I said, it's a nice break from the typical hollywood movie. If you enjoy westerns at all you should see this one.

Rudy

I re-watched this to get myself all psyched out for flag football. It worked because I got all excited, but it didn't work because we had a losing season anyway! This is one of my all-time favorite movies. Inspiring story, inspiring music, and football. It makes you almost wish Notre Dame didn't suck so bad.

Recommendation: Own it.

Eagle Eye

This was intense. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It has excellent writing and twists that keep you guessing until near the end, yet it's not so vague that you have no idea what's going on until the end. This is as engaging a movie as there is out there. Intense.

Recommendation: Watch it, especially if you just feel like taking a break from reality for a couple hours.

You Don't mess with the Zohan

I don't walk out of movies very often, mostly because I have enough judgement to avoid those types of movies or because I have friends who can warn me not to see them. Wow, this one was bad. We stopped it after about 35 minutes because the plot was going nowhere and the sexual innuendos were getting worse and worse as the movie went on. It was filthy and disgusting. I can't even recommend the edited version of this because not only was it awful, it didn't make me even chuckle a little bit even once. In my opinion this is a new low for Adam Sandler (and that's saying something).

Recommendation: Don't mess with this movie.

A River Runs through It

Another one of my all-time favorite movies! I used to watch this every year at a small motel in Lima Montana. We'd stay there on fishing trips and the people at the front desk would either send this one or "The Sandlot" to our TV. I think those were the only two movies we had. I recently saw this at Wal-Mart for $5 so I picked it up. The thing that surprised me was how much more I gained from seeing it now compared to 12 years ago. This made me want to live in Montana. Anyone who loves fishing should definitely see this, but it's not just about fishing. This is such an amazing movie about life and relationships. Not many movies make me cry. (That's all I'm going to say).

Recommendation: Own this one too. Seriously, it's only $5 at Wal-mart. There's no excuse to not have this in your home.

Journey to the Center of the Earth


This was kind of a fun family film. I forgot that it was 3-D in the theaters. That probably would have made it even more fun. Either way, lots of family fun to be had here. Fun fun.

Recommendation: Good movie to see with kids.

The Incredible Hulk

This movie delivered. There have been so many super-hero movies done lately that we have certain expectations whenever they make a new one. This movie didn't let me down, and it was about 10 times better than the over-promoted 2003 version. Lots of movies will end with a hint at a sequel, but this movie ended with me really excited about the "sequel."

Recommendation: It's a good super-hero movie so, if you're into that sort of thing, you know, see this one too. Especially if you enjoyed Iron Man. Not that this is as good as Iron Man, it's just that, well, it's pretty good too.

Quantum of Solace



Vrrroooooommm.... kapow kapow kapow, eeeeeaaaarcchhh! vreeeeeooooooooommmm vrooooooom crash! That's how this movie starts out. This is a move I would recommend to a blind person. Also, I would recommend seeing the fast and furious part IV trailer that came on right before the movie. I guess I'm thinking this because about two minutes into the movie the screen went blank and we were treated to about a minute and a half of just the audio and it really made me appreciate all the sounds that go into a car chase involving guns. Wow. Anyway, about the movie - I loved it. Like any other Bond Movie, I think I need to see it a couple more times to really understand all the intricacies of the plot. It would also help if you rented "Casino Royale" before seeing this one. Daniel Craig is an awesome, rugged Bond and is the only person I know who can pull off the "popped collar" look without being a total weeny. See:
Recommendation: Great 007 movie. See it if you have ever liked any 007 movie.

Kung Fu Panda

I think grown ups will get a few chuckles out of this movie. The "Jack Black" style of humor comes through in the main character's mannerisms. I was excited about seeing this because my 18-month-old son now has the attention span that he can sit down and pay attention to things he's interested in for about 5 minutes at a time. I thought this movie would be a good one for us to try and watch together. I was sort of right. He watched about half of it but, as my wife pointed out, he was disturbed by a lot of the violence. What a tender little guy.

Recommendation: Kind of funny. It might be a good choice to watch with kids who are a little tougher than mine.