My Latest Adventure

So there I was, in a far away land with seven or eight of my fellow black-ops commandos.  It was night and we were running through a dark field near a ditch.  We ran past anti-war protester Cindy Sheehan.  Seeing the opportunity to impress my fellow commando, Sean Hannity, I caught up to him and explained that although I'm not a big fan of Sheehan's, she has helped the conservative movement by demonstrating that the media definitely has a liberal bias.  He asked me to explain so I did:  when Bush was President, every time he went on vacation to his ranch she was there protesting and had all the major networks there with cameras in her face.  Now that Obama is in charge, she travels to his vacation spot, Martha's Vineyard, where she continues to protest the wars but all the mainstream media ignore here.  Why is that?  I can tell Hannity thinks I'm smart.

We keep running and eventually find ourselves in the apartment of a known terrorist.  We're snooping around looking for evidence.  Just as we're getting somewhere we hear a door close at the end of the shared hall.  Somebody has left the apartment door open and the terrorist knows he's not alone.  He slowly enters his doorway - I'm around the corner to his left, Hannity to the right.  The terrorist enters the room and we see each other.  I notice he is holding a large hunting knife, which he raises in the air in preparation to swing at me, but without missing a beat, Hannity grabs the man's arm and restrains him.  All I have with me is a sharp #2 pencil but I seize the opportunity and plunge it into the terrorist's chest.  Repeatedly.  After putting several holes in the evil man's torso, my fellow commandos and I vacate the building and head off for our next assignment.

here's the thing about condiments

Ketchup and a little mayo are good, because they bring their own flavors to the party but they don't go around thinking they're all awesome and taking over.

Mustard and relish, on the other hand, bring more than their fair share. If you add mustard to the hot dog, every bite will taste mostly of mustard, only slightly of hot dog. Some people may respect that in a condiment. I don't. I'm sitting back in the corner with ketchup and a little mayo thinking, "Sheesh, who invited those guys?"

Somebody had to say it.

wait, I have a blog too?

Oh yeah. Sorry there little blog - forgot about your for 6 months.

You'll notice I've made a couple minor changes around here. 10 cool points to the first person that can name two changes to the blog.

Well, I guess I should write about something. Health care? No. I'm just as lost as everyone else, so I wouldn't have much to say.

All the great happenings in my life lately? No. That's what my wife's blog is for. Ask her for an invite if you aren't already on her list.

Some of my great new ideas, like "New Deli" - the Indian food restaurant idea I had? Nope. That's pretty much the idea - there's not a whole lot else to explain.

I know! I know!

"SEVEN POUNDS" WAS THE WORST MOVIE EVER.

And thus begins my rant. I actually had the idea for this post about a year ago when I saw the worthless movie, but haven't been the bloggiest blogger lately, so I forgot.

And since it's been a year, all the crappiness isn't as fresh in my mind, so this won't really be as powerful of a rant. I'll summarize with bullets. heh heh, that kind of makes me sound like a bad-A. Maybe I'll use that line in a screenplay about a corporate lackey who's tired of giving presentations so one day he flips out and yells, "I'll summarize with bullets!" just as he begins his rampage.

Back to my rant, in bullet points:
(PS don't read it if you haven't seen the movie and you still want to. Also, if you haven't seen the movie, this won't make any sense.)

• It took WAY too long for the love story to develop. I found myself wanting the movie to end faster.
• Suicide. I'm not a big advocate of it. The next few points will illustrate why the protagonist was NOT a selfless hero, but a selfish bat-turd in doing what he did.
• He'd caused an automobile ACCIDENT (not on purpose) that took the lives of several people. He thinks he can atone for this accident? He thinks improving the lives of a few people and saving one, and then taking one more (his own) will even the score? 6-1+1=6. Or is it ok because he was so sad anyway so death was a nice way out for him? Guess what? That's the coward's way out. That is not heroic.
  
• The people who's lives he had "improved" had already been dealing with their disabilities and were leading good lives. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if they lived out the rest of their lives that way, or just waited until the next natural death resulted in some organs being available.
  
• Are you still reading this? I probably would have stopped by now. In fact, I haven't really been reading any blogs lately. Sorry.
• Let's consider that he traded his life for the woman's at the end. Each of them had people in their lives who cared about them, although the movie didn't really focus on his loved ones. Consider, for a moment, the social lifestyle of such a charismatic individual as the protagonist was - he built up a HUGE company from nothing. That type of personality would likely also lead to many rich and enjoyable relationships with the people around him. I'm not saying his life was more valuable than hers, but if you could somehow quantify the sorrow brought about by his suicide compared with her passing of natural causes beyond her control, I think his actions caused much more suffering, not less.
  
• MOST IMPORTANTLY (I typed that in case you were just skimming for the important part) - consider the alternative. This man was rich, and he accidentally took several people's lives because he was texting while driving. Should he A) kill himself and donate organs to people who need them or B) set up a charitable foundation to raise awareness about the dangers of texting and driving, begin and ad campaign to reach millions and change their behavior, use his political influence to outlaw the practice in the entire country, fund research and development of a technology that prohibits phones from working (except emergencies) while inside a motor vehicle, and thereby prevent any further loss of life due to this stupid behavior. I guess A makes a better movie, but B would actually make a difference.
  
• Killing yourself with a jellyfish? That part was actually kind of cool. I'd never thought of that.
  
• I felt that I needed to write this because of so many people who, before I saw the movie, told me how amazing it was and how it made them cry. I couldn't disagree more. This movie made my think of all of the things the man could have done instead of killing himself. Heaven forbid I ever find myself responsible for the deaths of several people, hopefully my love for the people who are a part of my life would give me the strength and courage to get through it, overcome my sorrows, and go about my life with renewed resolve to make a difference in the world.
• This is the only Will Smith movie I didn't enjoy. (Note- I never saw "Wild Wild West").

End Rant.

Next post will be more positive.

All I Wanted was a Pepsi

So there I was, in the kitchen trying to get two Pepsis my wife had put in the freezer for us 15 minutes earlier. She had warned me that one was probably going to fall out and I should be careful but did I listen? Nope. In fact, her warning totally went under my radar until I saw the blurry blue cylinder dropping towards my feet.

The very same second I heard the thump of the can hitting the ground, I was blinded by the sweet, sticky beverage which had wisely used it's first strike to take out my sight. Standing there with eyes closed, I felt a cool swath across both knees and thought, "Oh crap, this isn't over." Straining to see, I caught a glimpse of the can and the three Pepsi streams it had shooting in three different directions. Also, I knew that with my impaired vision I couldn't be sure, but the can appeared to be break-dancing.

After cleansing my eyes as thoroughly as one possibly can with the back of one's hand in .5 seconds, I dropped to the ground and apprehended the rogue Pepsi. After putting a halt to the spinning nonsense, I cupped my hand over the "business end" of my newly discovered enemy and ran it to the sink, where I learned that 50% of the content was still intact. The other 50% I discovered was evenly spread throughout the bathroom and kitchen. The whole incident took all of 3 seconds, but I spent the next 3 minutes assessing the casualties. The more places I looked, the more teeny tiny Pepsi spots I discovered. Ground zero had a diameter of 15 feet, and would have been even larger if we had a bigger kitchen.

All I wanted was a Pepsi.

My new favorite song

You know this is good if it brought me out of my blogging semi-retirement. Thank you, hip new band Owl City, for making dental care almost cool. Thank you very much.



Lyrics, for your reading pleasure:

I brush my teeth
And look in the mirror
And laugh out loud
As I'm beaming from ear to ear

I'd rather pick flowers
Instead of fight
And rather than flaunt my style
I'd flash you a smile
Of clean pearly whites

I've been to the dentist
A thousand times, so I know the drill
I smooth my hair, sit back in the chair
But somehow I still get the chills

Have a seat
He says pleasantly
As he shakes my hand
And practically laughs at me

Open up nice and wide
He says, peering in
And with a smirk he says,
"Don't have a fit, this'll just pinch a bit"
As he tries not to grin

When hygienists leave on long vacations
That's when dentists scream and lose their patience

Talking only brings the toothaches on
Because I say the stupidest things
So if my resolve goes south
I'll swallow my pride with an aspirin
And shut my mouth

Golf and alcohol don't mix
And that's why I don't drink and drive
Because, good grief, I'd knock out my teeth
And hafta kiss my smile goodbye

I've been to the dentist
A thousand times, so I know the drill
I smooth my hair, sit back in the chair
But somehow I still get the chills

Cool Guys don't Look at Explosions

If you have not yet seen the sweet new Andy Samberg/Will Ferrell Music video, check it out:



As I walked home from school today, I felt like a cool guy. Not because the school exploded, but because I reached 1850 - the clinical point requirement for graduating. I'm hoping I have that feeling again in a couple weeks after I take the regional board exam. To help you better understand the feeling, I made a collage:


Disclaimer: I have no intention of exploding the dental school. If the school happens to explode in the next couple of weeks, it just happened to coincide with this blog entry. I don't want this to be like one of those incriminating google searches where they find out the defendant searched for "how to shoot yourself in the abdomen and survive" just days before claiming he was shot and that he killed someone in self-defense. I have come to know and love many of the people in that building and it would be a shame for the building to explode, although, if I were ensured that there would be no injuries or financial losses, it would be pretty awesome to see as I walk out of town. But then again I wouldn't see it. Because I'm cool.

I'm 27, why do you ask?

There are two things I've been spending my time on lately that are worth sharing with the world.

First, Trackmania nations. Go there and download the free game found on the upper right side. It's half of a gigabyte so the download might take a few minutes, but it's totally worth it.

The game has a really fast learning curve. You race cars using the four arrow buttons on your keyboard - that's the only instruction you'll ever need for this game. Even though it's so simple, it is super addictive because you are always improving. I'm currently ranked 244,212th in the world (613th in California).

When you create your account, add me (dentalninja) to your buddies list then you can see when I'm online and join in the same races I'm doing. Six of my dental school friends are on my buddies list.

Here's a couple screenshots I just took to give you a sneak peek:


My son likes to watch and point out whenever there's a blimp.


The second thing I feel obligated to share is adultheelysshoes.com. Earlier this week I got a killer deal on my very own pair of Heelys. The website is run by a friend of a friend who has a huge warehouse full of them in Idaho. He orders very large quantities and is thus able to sell them for cheaper than what people pay on ebay.

I wore them to school on Friday but didn't dare put the wheels in while working on the clinic. Maybe one of these days right before I'm outta here I'll be brave enough to cruise around the clinic floor all dentisty-looking in my scrubs, gloves, mask and dental loupes! For now, I'll just be content to cruise around in the lower level of the dental school where the linoleum floors satisfy my NEED for SPEED!

For those of you who don't have a clue what I'm talking about, here's a video of Brett Favre demonstrating how to ride Heelys. At the airport. Without pants. As cool as the "Heely Dentist" sounds, Brett has set the bar pretty high. I'm glad to see he's enjoying his retirement.