Christmas is Canceled

If I were in charge of America, today's headline would inform everyone that Christmas was canceled. I don't mean "in charge" like Barack Obama, I mean it like if I was America's father and America was my 9-year-old child. (On a totally unrelated note, when are the spell-checkers going to start recognizing the words "Barack" and "Obama?")

Why would I do such a heartless thing? Because of how disgusted I am with this story, which I'm sure you've already heard, where a 34-year-old New Jersey Wal-mart employee was trampled to death by eager customers. The article says "the exact cause of death has not been determined." Here's my guess - greed.

I read about this story just before heading out to do a little shopping at the Costco and it put a real damper on my day. The store was jam packed and people weren't really being considerate of each other. All I wanted was a hot dog.

Melissa and I agreed that if our children ever get too caught up in the selfish, materialistic aspects of Christmas, we'd have no problem doing a reality check and significantly limiting the gifts for the year, or "canceling" Christmas, if you will. This led me to reflect on my childhood Christmases and trying to remember the "stuff" I got. After trying for 5 minutes, I can remember:

1. A motorcycle track me and my brother got to share. I loved it because it had a loop-de-loop.

2. A trophy. Yup, as a child I asked for a trophy for Christmas. I remember walking around with my mom at the local D.I. (a second-hand shop) and looking at trophies. She convinced me that Santa's helpers were watching and that if I acted like I really liked one of them, they'd know which one I wanted. (She then convinced me the small silver baseball trophy was much cooler than the giant golden one).

3. A bicycle. I actually remember getting two. A BMX when I was little and a huffy mountain bike a few years later.

4. A radio.

5. Roller blades.

I'm sure if I really tried I could think of more things, but it would take some effort. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I think Homer Simpson said it best when he said:

"...every time I learn something new, something old gets pushed out. Remember that time I took that home wine-making class, and I forgot how to drive?"

I think learning how to do root canals is what pushed out my Christmas memories. Stupid root canals.

My point is that after all these years I don't really remember much of the "stuff" I got. On the other hand, I will always cherish the traditions my family had. My parents were really good at helping us focus on those around us. I don't want to reveal too much about what we would do, but suffice it to say as a teenager I learned that the rush from sneaking around like a ninja doing secret nice things was just as fun as sneaking around doing mischief.

I feel bad writing such a negative post when many of my blogger friends are listing things they are grateful for. I am looking forward to Christmas and don't think all of American needs to have it canceled. Also, I can't lie, I'm really excited for the day when my children are older and I can enjoy the looks on their faces Christmas morning. Who knows, maybe all those people involved in the Wal-mart stampede were just so selflessly caught up in getting something nice for their children that they didn't realize they were trampling someone.

Probably not.

My next post will be about puppies.

Ninja cat!

Now that you know about my ninja obsession, I feel obligated to share with you the joys of "ninja cat." Watch it come closer without moving. He has truly mastered the art of stealth.

A real "Role Model"

There are now two reasons I cheer for Tony Romo.

1. His college football coach was Bob Spoo, and that's just flat out one of the coolest names out there. Bob Spoo:


2. This story, which reports how Tony paid for the movie ticket of a homeless man to see the show "Role Models" and even invited the smelly guy to sit next to him and his buddy. The article also mentions an incident earlier this year where Romo stopped to help a couple change a tire on his way home from a game. How cool would that be?

These two reasons are enough to out-weigh my only reason to cheer against him - he plays for the stupid Dallas Cowboys.

It's so rare that you see a world-class athlete who also happens to be really classy. I'm convinced Tony is a genuinely nice guy and it would be nice to see him win a Super Bowl. Besides, you still have to sort of feel bad for him about this:

Zerberts

When I was a kid we called them "zerberts." I thought everyone called them that, and didn't hear the term "blowing raspberries" until I left home. Over the years I never met anyone else who called them zerberts so I started thinking maybe that was just a made-up family thing. (Although to be fair, this isn't a conversation that comes up regularly in my social circles). Then I googled "zerbert" and found the Urban Dictionary definition of the zerbert. Apparently the Huxtable family also called them zerberts, so it makes sense that we would say it because I remember watching The Cosby Show all the time as a kid.

Melissa's family calls them fobees. I'm thinking her family made this one up because google doesn't give us any relevent results, although she's not exactly sure about the correct spelling of fobee. (Phobee? Fowby? Faux bee? Fobi?)

Anyway, the reason for this informative dissertation on zerberts is that this little guy recently perfected the art of a zerbert:


We taught him how to do one and were both amazed that his sounded so much better than ours! They sound just like farts! I've convinced Melissa that we need to continue the tradition and keep calling them zerberts.

Also, Jordan thinks he can fly:

Some more movie reviews

I have some good ones and some bad ones to report on this time. Also, I've taken it upon myself to make a complete movie review archive. (Wow, I've seen a lot of movies since March).

Legend of Butch and Sundance

I'd never heard of this movie but it was at the local redbox during a time when not much else was, so we tried it. I actually really liked it simply because watching a good wholesome western was a nice break from a lot of the high-budget crap that comes from Hollywood. The Movie was very similar to "American Outlaws". I liked both of them. My biggest (and only) complaint is the casting. The two main characters seemed too much like pretty-boys from the valley and not tough rugged cowboys.

Recommendation: Like I said, it's a nice break from the typical hollywood movie. If you enjoy westerns at all you should see this one.

Rudy

I re-watched this to get myself all psyched out for flag football. It worked because I got all excited, but it didn't work because we had a losing season anyway! This is one of my all-time favorite movies. Inspiring story, inspiring music, and football. It makes you almost wish Notre Dame didn't suck so bad.

Recommendation: Own it.

Eagle Eye

This was intense. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It has excellent writing and twists that keep you guessing until near the end, yet it's not so vague that you have no idea what's going on until the end. This is as engaging a movie as there is out there. Intense.

Recommendation: Watch it, especially if you just feel like taking a break from reality for a couple hours.

You Don't mess with the Zohan

I don't walk out of movies very often, mostly because I have enough judgement to avoid those types of movies or because I have friends who can warn me not to see them. Wow, this one was bad. We stopped it after about 35 minutes because the plot was going nowhere and the sexual innuendos were getting worse and worse as the movie went on. It was filthy and disgusting. I can't even recommend the edited version of this because not only was it awful, it didn't make me even chuckle a little bit even once. In my opinion this is a new low for Adam Sandler (and that's saying something).

Recommendation: Don't mess with this movie.

A River Runs through It

Another one of my all-time favorite movies! I used to watch this every year at a small motel in Lima Montana. We'd stay there on fishing trips and the people at the front desk would either send this one or "The Sandlot" to our TV. I think those were the only two movies we had. I recently saw this at Wal-Mart for $5 so I picked it up. The thing that surprised me was how much more I gained from seeing it now compared to 12 years ago. This made me want to live in Montana. Anyone who loves fishing should definitely see this, but it's not just about fishing. This is such an amazing movie about life and relationships. Not many movies make me cry. (That's all I'm going to say).

Recommendation: Own this one too. Seriously, it's only $5 at Wal-mart. There's no excuse to not have this in your home.

Journey to the Center of the Earth


This was kind of a fun family film. I forgot that it was 3-D in the theaters. That probably would have made it even more fun. Either way, lots of family fun to be had here. Fun fun.

Recommendation: Good movie to see with kids.

The Incredible Hulk

This movie delivered. There have been so many super-hero movies done lately that we have certain expectations whenever they make a new one. This movie didn't let me down, and it was about 10 times better than the over-promoted 2003 version. Lots of movies will end with a hint at a sequel, but this movie ended with me really excited about the "sequel."

Recommendation: It's a good super-hero movie so, if you're into that sort of thing, you know, see this one too. Especially if you enjoyed Iron Man. Not that this is as good as Iron Man, it's just that, well, it's pretty good too.

Quantum of Solace



Vrrroooooommm.... kapow kapow kapow, eeeeeaaaarcchhh! vreeeeeooooooooommmm vrooooooom crash! That's how this movie starts out. This is a move I would recommend to a blind person. Also, I would recommend seeing the fast and furious part IV trailer that came on right before the movie. I guess I'm thinking this because about two minutes into the movie the screen went blank and we were treated to about a minute and a half of just the audio and it really made me appreciate all the sounds that go into a car chase involving guns. Wow. Anyway, about the movie - I loved it. Like any other Bond Movie, I think I need to see it a couple more times to really understand all the intricacies of the plot. It would also help if you rented "Casino Royale" before seeing this one. Daniel Craig is an awesome, rugged Bond and is the only person I know who can pull off the "popped collar" look without being a total weeny. See:
Recommendation: Great 007 movie. See it if you have ever liked any 007 movie.

Kung Fu Panda

I think grown ups will get a few chuckles out of this movie. The "Jack Black" style of humor comes through in the main character's mannerisms. I was excited about seeing this because my 18-month-old son now has the attention span that he can sit down and pay attention to things he's interested in for about 5 minutes at a time. I thought this movie would be a good one for us to try and watch together. I was sort of right. He watched about half of it but, as my wife pointed out, he was disturbed by a lot of the violence. What a tender little guy.

Recommendation: Kind of funny. It might be a good choice to watch with kids who are a little tougher than mine.

It could be worse

There's a book up for auction this week. It was written in 1770 by Thomas Berdmore. Never heard of him? He was the dentist to King George III. This is likely the first ever English textbook on dentistry. Personally, I find Berdmore's insights to be priceless! Here's a few gems, from this article:

He writes of a 23-year-old woman left in a “terrible state” by a “barber dentist”.

“She went to a barber dentist to have the leftmolaris tooth of the upper jaw on the right side taken out,” he says.

“On second attempt he brought away the affected tooth together with a piece of jawbone as big as a walnut and three neighbouring molars.”

He says the “barber dentist” embarked on the ill-fated extraction because he was “uneasy at disappointment”.

Ha ha! I would also consider myself "uneasy at disappointment" but I'd like to think I'll stop before ripping out half of your maxilla!

Berdmore also possessed a rudimentary understanding of orthodontics, instructing fellow dentists (and barber-dentists) to "Pass gold wire from the neighbouring teeth on either side in such a manner as to press upon what stands out of the line." Either that, or you could try to “break the teeth into order by means of a strong pair of crooked pliers”.

He also observed that sugar and smoking were harmful, and that for this reason peasants suffered less dental disease than their noble counterparts.

Anyway, I just wanted to pass this along as a reminder that dentistry has come a long way and you really don't have a lot to be afraid of (relatively speaking).

100 posts - time for a DTR

100 posts, wahoo! I've been racking my brain trying to come up with something worthy of this historic occasion, but no single idea stood out as the clear winner so instead, lets just have a DTR. (If you're wondering what that means, it stands for "Define the relationship". It's a pleasant talk that young couples have when the try to figure out how committed the other person is to the relationship. It can be very rewarding and lots of fun. It usually includes questions such as "where do you see this going?" as well as lots of questions about feelings.)

First off - last week's poll about music: 3 of you voted that you like automatic playing music. 6 of you voted that you don't like it, but 3 of those votes came from this house, so it's still sort of a tie. 7 of you voted for Barack Obama - probably so that if he does really well and everyone likes him you can also claim to have voted for him. Anyway, for now I'll stop forcing my music upon you. I'll put it back on the bottom of the page where you can go click if you really want to hear it.

Now lets talk about content. I've looked at the titles of my first 99 posts and done a quick tally of exactly what it is this blog is about. Here are my results:

My experiences/thoughts/journal....35
Random intersting things..............19
Current events/politics.................12
Dentistry (me)............................9
Dentistry (news)..........................9
Movie Reviews...........................8
Random funny things....................6

I think I like that balance. Ever since my wife started blogging and then really really started blogging (like several times per day) I have felt less of a need to talk about my family because she takes care of that. Feel free to share with me what you want to see more/less of. I might take your suggestions into consideration, I guess it depends on how committed I am to making sure this relationship works.

Lastly, I'd like to change gears and discuss the phrase "scattered like ice from the spoon." Sound familiar? Bonus points if you can tell me where it's from before reading on. Ok, time's up, it's from Black Balloon by the Goo Goo Dolls. People from the internet say that it's a drug reference - but before you go wandering around in San Bernardino suggesting things like, "Hey guys, lets all go scatter some ice from a spoon!" you should know that "ice" refers to methamphetamines and "spoons" are used with heroin, so people don't really use "spoons" and "ice" together. The mystery remains. I'd like to think that something so innocent sounding as a "goo goo doll" wouldn't condone drug use and that they are simply talking about putting ice cubes in spoons and just scattering them around. How fun would that be?

A couple years back I was telling a story and near the end I said, "and then the cops showed up so we all scattered like....." and I was at a loss for words. The first thing my mind wanted to say was "ice from the spoon" but I knew that didn't really make any sense. The second place my mind went was to a memory I had as a teenager when I was on my back porch and stepped on a huge, HUGE wolf spider to kill it. When I picked up my foot I saw tiny dots scattering in every direction and had no idea what had just happened. Later I learned that when wolf spiders give birth, the tiny babies will stay on the mother's abdomen for a while. (Some sources say a week, some say longer. Either way, click here if you don't believe me or if you just want to learn more).
Alas, I digress. I wanted to end the story with "we all scattered like baby wolf spiders on the mama spider's back!" but figured not many people in the room had seen it actually happen, which is a shame because it was a really good description of what we looked like and the way we all scattered when the cops showed up.
Eventually, I ended my story by saying "we scattered like ants!" That was probably the worst choice. Ants don't scatter - if anything they congregate. My point in all this is simply to state that we need better expressions for things that scatter. The end.

Update: video of baby wolf spiders.

Jack Bauer saves the life of celebrity toddler

How awesome is it that my hero, Jack Bauer (aka Kiefer Sutherland), was at the beach with Gwen Stefani and her son and he ended up saving the baby from a Rattlesnake?! You can read about it here, but that link won't tell you about the real story. It won't explain that the snake was sent by a dangerous foreign terrorist cell who was attempting to strike America where it would hurt most - the children of our celebrities. And it certainly won't explain how Jack fearlessly and ruthlessly grabbed the snake and screamed, "Who sent you? WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!" before smacking it against the rocks to get his answeres, which I'm confident he did. The news won't tell you about it because you and I are the American public, and we never know the details of what Jack Bauer really does to save us. Just like they never told us what Jack was really up to when he was supposedly serving a DUI jail sentence.

Incidentally, I'm really looking forward to the two-hour prequel to season 7, called "24 Redemption" and airing on November 23rd.

Ninjas

Something's been on my mind the last couple of days. Amidst all the political change we've just experienced and in a week when I've had 4 mock board exams (and one more tomorrow) as well as a couple big school events in the evenings, you'd wouldn't expect me to be thinking about this - but I think Hemingway* said it best when he penned the words, "Eventually, everyone needs to write about ninjas." For me, this time is now.

You see, anyone who knows me well is probably aware of the fact that I'm obsessed with ninjas. The seeds were planted in my childhood when, like every other boy at the time, I was a huge TMNT fan. Years and years later as I was enjoying my last real summer (the one right before dental school) my roommates and I invested in some ninja suits and spent several evenings at the secret ninja training grounds perfecting our art.

Today I read about a promising children's book that is supposed to promote equality and diversity. As I recently discussed, there are good ways and there are bad ways to go about teaching diversity. This book, called "Ninja, Cowboy, Bear" seems like a good way. In addition to celebrating the differences between the three creatures, it teaches a new game - basically paper-rock-scissors but more intense. (If you've ever wanted to play paper-rock-scissors online, click here - hours of fun).

However, there is one key flaw in the game, and subsequently the book. See if you pick up on it:




Did you catch the mistake? Go check again if you missed it. Here it is - somebody accidentally wrote "Bear beats Ninja" - can you believe it? Don't they have editors there?

I mean lets think about it for a second. Ninjas can beat cowboys - Ok, I don't think anyone can argue this one. The only possible exception might be John Wayne vs. a half of a ninja and only in the daytime.

Cowboy vs. Bear? I think this one could go either way. It probably depends on the conditions, weapons, age of cowboy, etc. Incidentally, if you ever find yourself in the position of the cowboy facing a real bear and you happen to have access to the internet and need advice, click here.

Ninja vs. Bear. We shouldn't even be talking about this. First of all, how is a bear ever going to find the ninja? Can you find the ninjas?


Keep trying. So far I've only found 2 ninjas and what might be a ninja's foot. How is a bear supposed to find them? The only way a ninja and bear would ever square off is if the ninja wanted it to happen, and in that case he would stealthily make his kill and hide the carcass so nobody would ever know about it.

Lastly, I want to share a news story my brother shared with me last year. It's from the Onion News Network, which is a lot like CNN or MSNBC but they do a lot more fact-checking so their stories are more reliable.** This story takes place in Modesto, CA, which (in case you forgot) is also home to the Nuts.


Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

*Not Earnest Hemingway, but my imaginary friend, Dussa Hemingway.
**That's not true.

Is it really worth it?

I recently heard some numbers that I found interesting. The October issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association featured an article that showed there is a higher risk of injury and death from traffic accidents on presidential election days. Why? More people are driving, possibly going to unfamiliar locations, and many of them look like this


or this

or this


.....you know, people who don't really drive on a daily basis but on election day are motivated to get out and "jam the vote!"

On the average, this results in a national increase of 24 automobile-accident related fatalities as well as an additional 800 serious injuries. This is a bigger risk than driving on the day of the Super Bowl or New Year's Eve. Given these numbers, it is more likely that you will be killed or injured than it is that your one single vote will actually make a difference, so in a way you're better off just staying home. Now, I'm not trying to convince any of you not to vote, just work on those defensive driving skills tomorrow!

Coolest Halloween Drawing Ever

While I'm on the topic of crazy public school teachers, and seeing as how last week was Halloween, I thought it appropriate to share this story about Jordan Hood, a 5th grader who recently participated in an art class assignment to draw a scary mask or picture.

Here is his drawing:


Pretty freaky, right? It reminded me of the Simpson's episode where Nelson Muntz draws "a robot with guns for arms shooting a plane made out of guns that fires guns."

It also reminded me of my own childhood. I didn't have a very disturbed childhood, but when I was bored I would try to sketch the scariest pictures I could. I wish I would have saved a couple so I could show you, but my sketches probably couldn't hold a candle to "I kill for blood".

The crazy part is also the reason the kid should feel like he aced the assignment - his picture was so scary that the teacher wouldn't let him return to school until he completed psychological testing! Ha ha!

Age appropriate?

Many of the proposition 8 TV ads have been focusing on the issue of whether or not school children will be taught about gay marriage. This isn't my main concern about the issue (my concern can be found here). Personally, I think it's a good thing for public schools to teach tolerance and respect for all varieties of lifestyles, as long as they observe the recommendation found in the California education code to keep this teaching "age appropriate".

On that note, I want to share with you this article about a Hayward California kindergarten class who were given pledge cards to sign, thus promising that they will not use anti-LGBT slurs and will promote a safe school atmosphere. I'm all for kids using respectful language, but do we really need to address it at age 5? Obviously some people out there think we do, and I'm sure they have their reasons, but I'm trying to imagine what explanation my mom would have given me if I had asked the definition of "transgendered" when I was a kindergartner.

Here's a picture from the article that pretty much illustrates what I'm saying, kindergarten is probably too early:


I think to really understand what I was signing, 5-year-old Benji would have to ask mom what the following words mean: harassment, regardless, sexual, orientation, gender, ally, LGBT, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, slur, intervene.

Before you panic thinking this is going to be the new norm, you should know that these materials (pledge cards) were intended for middle and high school students.

Also from the article, here's a sign that was in the school as part of the festivities:



How would 5-year-old Benji react? Something along the lines of "Sweet! Free stickers!"
I wonder if the meeting was really in room 1 and some smart alec changed it to 19.