Everything's amazing, nobody's happy

Oh shoot. Embedding is disabled. I'll have to direct you to youtube to watch it here.

Just had to share this. I saw this today at lunch and it made me laugh so hard! Enjoy.

Introducing the 10-word movie review. Happy Oscar Night!

For those of you who don't live in the L.A. area, it really is a big deal around here. I had to laugh when I was new here a few years ago and the evening news signed off by wishing me a happy Oscar Weekend. Melissa and I decided to really get into it this year and we've filled out our Oscar picks. Move over March Madness.

I thought it would be fitting for tonight's blog post to review the movies I've seen lately. I'm actually a little behind and have 19 movies to do, so to keep it interesting I'm restricting all my reviews to 10 words. That should be enough to let you know how I felt about each film. If you'd like me to elaborate just say the word!

It is worth noting, in true Oscar fashion, that I am wearing a "VF Imagewear" Philadelphia Eagles t-shirt and a pair of "Finish Line Athletics 365" basketball shorts. This outfit was really a fabulous choice for me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my reviews:

Australia
Well done but too long. Would be better as miniseries.

Serenity
Good movie, better TV show. Watch "Firefly" for free here.

Wanted (edited)
Like a superhero movie but not. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Valkerie
Like watching favorite team lose close one to bitter rivals.

Traitor
FBI vs. Terrorists from terrorist point of view. Really good.

Tropic Thunder (edited)
Offensive and wrong but I couldn't stop laughing. Nicely done.

Burn After Reading (edited)
Disappointment. Expected more from such big names. Wasn't very funny.

I am Legend
Will make you jump. Can't go wrong with Will Smith.

The X-files: I want to believe
Wondering if it was this crappy when I was younger.

Swimfan
Free on hulu. Better than expected. Thought of better ending.

Max Payne
Don't give up. Gets really good after a certain point.

Ghost Town
Funny Dentist movie I would recommend to just about anybody.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
I must be old. Asking where parents were. Darn kids.

Lars and the Real Girl
Really weird. Melissa shared my thoughts on her blog here.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua
Dogs wear people clothes. Glad I fell asleep on plane.

Taken
Holy cow, this movie was freaking awesome! Intense and violent.

Lakeview Terrace
Like "Meet the Parents" but drama, not comedy. Somewhat irritating.

Smokejumper
Laughed so hard, but not supposed to be funny. Fail.

Henry Poole is Here
Redbox description was wrong. Made boring and stupid movie confusing.

Benji's Blog Movie Review Archive

Too funny not to share

On the flight home from Washington I was watching Comedy Central and was introduced to this comic genius! This is his best bit that I found on YouTube. Seriously I love his style.

House of Representatives Fun Fact

I just returned from my third and final trip to Washington to lobby on behalf of my dental school. I worked on some important issues and did some sight-seeing, but I'm not going to bore you here with all the little details. I will, however, share with you what I thought was the coolest "tour-guide" moment of the trip.

After our first appointment with a congressman, my fellow "legislative liaison" and I had a couple hours to wait so we went to the House Chamber in hopes of seeing some of the debate regarding the stimulus package. When we got there we had just barely missed seeing the action because they had recessed for lunch, but we were informed that the pressing matter they had been discussing was whether or not to congratulate the Pittsburgh Steelers on their Super Bowl victory. Nice work boys.

Since there wasn't anything going on, I struck up a conversation with the security guard and asked him if he had any cool stories or information that most people wouldn't know about the room. He shared with us his version of the United States Capitol Shooting Incident in 1954, although the wikipedia version is slightly different[citation needed].

The gist of it is that in 1954 some Peurto Rican Nationalists smuggled weapons into the House Chambers. They were supposedly there as a film crew, but it turns out they had weapons in the bags, not camera equipment! Oh Snap! Six congressmen were injured (wikipedia says 5) but nobody was killed. The interesting part is that they never fixed two of the bullet holes in the room. One can be seen in the ceiling just a few feet from the huge stained glass decorative thingy. Since cameras aren't allowed in the chamber and I haven't been able to find an image on the interwebs, I'm just going to ask you to picture a little hole in a ceiling. That's pretty much what it looks like. Neat-o, huh? Ok you can stop picturing it now.

The other went through a desk and drawer. They repaired the desk and it's noticeable where the stain on the wood is a little bit lighter. They never repaired the desk drawer. Here's the approximate location of the flaw in the desk:


I asked the guy why they never repaired the holes and he shrugged his shoulders and explained that there wasn't any structural damage done so there was no need to repair them. What did I gain from this experience? The desire to write my name in the ceiling of the House Chamber with an Uzi - avoiding any structural damage, of course.

Quick thoughts from DC

Last night around 11:00 I found myself in front of Barack Obama's house. There wasn't a lot going on so I struck up a conversation with the security guard hoping he might have some cool stories for me. I was disappointed. He had only been working there for a year and during his shifts things generally stayed calm. He did share with me, however, something that always makes him chuckle. From time to time, someone will approach him and say, "excuse me, I don't speak very good english. Could you tell me where the White House is?"

It's right there.

This story probaby has a better effect if I tell it to you right smack in fron of the White House.

I have a few other stories to share from my DC trip but don't have enough time right now to do them justice, so, stay tuned.

The Coolest Shirt in the World

Last night my lovely wife and I got together with a large group of dental students and spouses to play "The Newlywed Game." While we didn't win, I was sure proud of us on several questions where our answers were a little out there but we had exact matches. Twice, we both wrote "The coolest shirt in the world" as the answer. The questions were, "What is your husband's most prized possession?" and "What is one article of clothing your wife wishes you would get rid of?"

Needless to say, we got a few funny looks and I decided it was time to tell the world the story of what has come to be know as "the coolest shirt in the world." This is that story.

So there we were one afternoon, looking for some great finds at the local Goodwill. The shirt was displayed on the front of its rack for all to see. It caught my eye and seemed to be calling my name, beckoning me to try it on. I took it to the dressing room and found it to be a little big, but surprisingly comfortable. One glance in the mirror and I knew the shirt was to be mine.

I walked out to show my wife, hoping against hope that she would be as excited as I was, but was disappointed to learn something new about my wife of over 2 years: she possessed virtually no fashion sense. She told me it was hideous and that she would never let me wear it.

It was time to weigh my options. If I made the purchase I would be out $4 for a shirt I could never wear. On the other hand, if I walked away there is a good chance I would spend my life wondering about the shirt that got away - indeed, the coolest shirt in the world. It was one of the easiest decisions I've ever made.

I took it to the counter and handed over four dollar bills while the nice Hispanic gentleman rung it up. In his thick accent he shared with me his lamentation that, as a Goodwill employee, he was not allowed to buy the shirt - otherwise he would have done so earlier that day. I knew it! The reassurance I had failed to receive from my wife was given to me by this international fashion expert, who was formerly a high-end clothing designer in his home country but had to settle for a job in retail when he came to this land in search of freedom. He didn't say any of that, but you could kind of tell by looking at him.

Naturally I was a little curious as to the origins of the shirt, as well as what mysterious message was written on the side in what I presumed to be Korean characters, so when I got home I googled the brand name on the tag, "Solo Loco, animated." What did 15 minutes of google searching tell me? Absolutely nothing. Whoever made this shirt had no internet presence. That's when it hit me - this was no ordinary peasant shirt that you can simply "google" at will. This shirt is special, and although the origins of this shirt may forever remain a mystery, the super-natural powers bestowed upon the wearer of this shirt will have to wait until my wife decides to lift her ban on the coolest shirt in the world.

Here are a few pictures of me modeling the coolest shirt in the world:





I know what you're thinking. As handsome as I am, I don't really do the shirt justice. That's why I took the liberty to photoshop this image of the coolest shirt in the world wearing ITSELF, thereby making this the coolest picture in the universe!


It's like staring into eternity.

Lastly, I need your help. I need everyone to become a fan of "The Coolest Shirt in the World" on Facebook. If the page gets 200 fans, my wife has agreed to lift the ban on the Coolest Shirt in the World. Every fan counts.

Funny News Bloopers

Melissa and I were totally cracking up watching news bloopers the other night. Here are our favorite gems, beginning with this one that just happened this week:

This one is only funny in the first 20 seconds, after that they just make fun of her a little. A perfect example of the media trying to make the news bigger than it really is:

You might want to keep your kids away from this weatherman:

This guy has a contagious laugh:

Here's another good one:

The runner-up for my favorite:

And finally, this one which is definitely my favorite. Worth watching a couple times to see the co-anchor's reaction:

My Super Thoughts

Some thoughts from the super bowl:

• Remember when beer commercials were funny?
  
• James Harrison might miss the first couple of pre-season games next year because he's still catching his breath from that 100-yard interception return. Actually I hope he gets suspended for the first two regular season games because of his cheap shot on Aaron Francisco. What a jerk.
  
• Anyone else hear Al Michaels say "Yes he can!" refering to a wide receiver's efforts to get the first down? You can't escape the Obamamania.
  
• G.I. Joe movie? Awesome! Another Transformers movie? Ok.
• I've seen lots of people getting hit by buses lately. Twice in a movie I just watched, once in the Doritos commercial, once in the Jack-in-the-Box commercial, and a few times in the commercial for the next episode of "Chuck." (Get it? That scene where Jerome Bettis levels him? Jerome Bettis was nicknamed "the Bus"). I don't know about you, but I'm watching out for buses.
  
• Can we young 'uns have another chance at a halftime show? The last lineup that would have appealed to anyone younger than 30 was 5 years ago with Jessica Simpson, Nelly, P. Diddy, Kid Rock, and let's not forget Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson. Since the infamous wardrobe malfunction, we've seen Paul McCartney, the Rolling Stones, Prince, Tom Petty, and now Bruce Springsteen. Booooooorrrrring.
  
• The one commercial that made me laugh was MacGruber becoming PepsGruber, but I think you need to be an SNL junkie like me to appreciate it.
• I would like to have seen the Cardinals win, but I really don't have any strong feelings for or against either team.
• Free Grand Slam at Denny's next Tuesday from 6:00 AM to 2:00 PM. Awesome.
  
• What is up with not showing the blimp??? I had to write that in behalf of my son, Jordan. That was the only part of the game the 21-month-old was looking forward to. Incidentally, he learned the word "dangit" from me during the Super Bowl. I guess it could be worse.
  
• I wish the Cardinals had gone with the same helmet design as the Philadelphia Eagles, so everyone could see what a wussy mascot the cardinal really is: