Cool Guys don't Look at Explosions

If you have not yet seen the sweet new Andy Samberg/Will Ferrell Music video, check it out:



As I walked home from school today, I felt like a cool guy. Not because the school exploded, but because I reached 1850 - the clinical point requirement for graduating. I'm hoping I have that feeling again in a couple weeks after I take the regional board exam.

C'mon spellchecker, really?

After writing all about ninjavitis on my other blog, I just wanted to shoot a quick email to the guy whose comic I used and I must have had writer's fatigue or something because I seriously had to ask my wife how to spell "put" as in, "put the red line under the misspelled word."

Spell checker, you were just messing with me, weren't you:


Yeah, that's right, I was trying to say "I pew the story up" or "I poo the story up." Thanks for keeping me on my toes anyway, spellchecker.
P.S. I've noticed you still don't recognize "Obama" and would like to replace him with "Obadiah." You must be part of the extreme "religious right" I'm always reading about.

Books should be free

Lately I've been re-discovering my love of audio books. Several years ago when I had a job that required me to be all by myself in the middle of nowhere for 8 hours at a time, I found that my library card and a $5 cassette player were great company. The fact that I also had a 4-wheeler and a truck with endless muddy marshes to explore made me happy as a clam. When I tell people I used to work in mosquito control, they never realize what an awesome job that was.

Anyway, since Jordan loves playing in the park we try to get there on a daily basis. Initially I would always bring a book but found it distracting to constantly be looking up to check on him, so I broke out the ipod and finished listening to "Angels and Demons." When that was done, I stumbled across the site booksshouldbefree.com which has free mp3 downloads of classic books that are now in the public domain. The good part? They're free. The downside? They're done by people like you and me instead of professional narrators, so you have an occasional chapter that's really tough to pay attention to.

Just in the past few weeks I've found all kinds of time to "read" while I walk to school, do lab work, and of course while I swim! I've cruised through "The Island of Dr. Moreau," "The Art of War," and I was about to finish "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes" last night when a massive cramp in my right leg cut my swim a little short.

Next up in the queue is "Treasure Island" and "The Man who knew Too Much." I'd appreciate any recommendations from that site or if you happen to know of any other quality free audio book sites let me know!

Of blimps and tanks

Recently I conducted a poll regarding which of these two super awesome vehicles you would rather own. I took this poll because I'm not entirely sure how I feel, and someday if I'm ever offered a blimp or a tank, I'd like to have a well-thought-out answer. You probably should too.

This all started several years ago when I realized I wanted a tank and a large area of otherwise useless land on which I could go tanking. Lately, however, my son has me thinking that maybe our future hypothetical wealth could be better invested in a blimp. (Don't ask me why in this fantasy I have enough money for one or the other but not both, that's not the point.) The kid is obsessed with blimps, and if you manage to get him chatting he's likely to tell you all about the blimp crash. "Huge... blimp... pop.... .crash.... happen.... fire..." all with a very enthusiastic expression. He's only witnessed this event in his bedtime stories - which are often guided by his interjecting ideas to help the plot progress. Recurring themes include blimps, waterfalls, pirates, Jessie, and basketball.

Back to my dilemma. Do I dream about someday being able to squash sage brush while firing my tank-bombs at unsuspecting rocks? Or would I be wiser to spend a day leisurely drifting along with the clouds while reading a book and sipping lemonade? Here are the original poll results:


Seems like blimps win, right? Not so fast. Since the results were so close I used an old trick to keep the contest going. I made a facebook page for blimps and a facebook page for tanks, and I launched them at the same time without personally becoming a fan or letting anybody know about them. It was interesting to see them compete. Blimps jumped out to a very early lead with one or two fans who didn't stay long. Then they stayed at one or two and have slowly risen to six. Tanks, on the other hand, didn't have any fans until very recently, but in a matter of a couple weeks the fan base has grown to 18.

By now you probably have a preference in the great blimps vs. tanks debate. If not, I urge you to decide now before you jump into the very lively and heated debate that is sure to take place in the comments section below. Seriously, I want to know which you would choose and why.

These guys should go to Loma Linda University

Allow me to explain why, in pictures:







They're good at making manholes!

Quick thoughts from DC

Last night around 11:00 I found myself in front of Barack Obama's house. There wasn't a lot going on so I struck up a conversation with the security guard hoping he might have some cool stories for me. I was disappointed. He had only been working there for a year and during his shifts things generally stayed calm. He did share with me, however, something that always makes him chuckle. From time to time, someone will approach him and say, "excuse me, I don't speak very good english. Could you tell me where the White House is?"

It's right there.

This story probaby has a better effect if I tell it to you right smack in fron of the White House.

I have a few other stories to share from my DC trip but don't have enough time right now to do them justice, so, stay tuned.

Horny Change

With all the talk about "change this" and "Obama that" we've been hearing about lately, I haven't heard anyone mention something I think needs changing. In fact, I don't think I've ever heard anyone mention my killer idea. The change I'd like to see this year is in the auto industry. As long as we're making efforts to go green and become safer and all that, why not offer the driver more options for honking his horn? Seriously, for how many years have we been given only one choice?

Hear me out. How many times have you been driving and have seen someone you know and you wanted to honk to get their attention so you could give a friendly Hello, but you didn't honk because there were other cars around and you were worried they would think you were honking at them? Or perhaps you went ahead and honked, and then felt like a fool when your friend kept walking but you noticed the driver in front of you check his rear-view mirror, and you weren't quite sure but you think based on what you saw of his eyes, he was mad at you. Perhaps he looked a little crazy.
It's really a simple solution: two horn sounds. One is a friendly horn, the other is an angry horn. Keep the angry horn in the middle so it's easily accessible if you need to warn someone of their impending doom, and put the friendly one on the ceiling - after all, if you're about to wave your hand will be in the air anyway, right?

Both horns should also have an option of aiming the sound. I'll let the auto industry figure that one out. Yes we can.

Taking an Unpopular Stance

We like to have fun here at the Benji Blog, but every now and again it becomes imperative for me to voice my opinion on an important issue. What I'm writing about today is something that lies very near to my heart and, unfortunately, it's an opinion that none of even my closest family or friends share. I have yet to find even a single person in any of my social circles who feels the same way I do. I am truly alone in this world.

In an attempt to help you the reader see this issue my way, I first want to paint you a picture. Suppose you were the heir to a large sum of money and an empire at a young age. Suppose that your good looks and charisma had given you celebrity status - along with its fame and the ability to be easily recognized in a crowd. Try to think of people who might fit this description - perhaps Paris Hilton or Ivanka Trump.

Now suppose that for whatever reason, you wanted to go about secretly doing good things and stopping bad things from happening. You are so driven by your cause that you even break the law from time to time. You are, in fact, a vigilante, so naturally you don't want anyone to recognize you. A disguise would only make sense. Picture that time that Tyra put on a fat suit and was appalled at how mean people were to her. (No, I don't watch Tyra, but I happened to see part of that one).

Ok, so there you are, a celebrity in disguise and a vigilante out to change the world, and it comes time for you to interact with someone. How are you going to talk? In your normal voice? The one that people know really well from all those times you've been on TV? Really? Good luck with that. You'll be outed in your first month.

Or, would you perhaps try to disguise your voice? If so, why not try to use a voice that somehow compliments what you are wearing?

Mad props to Christopher Nolan for making Batman yell every time he speaks, and mad props to Christian Bale for doing it. The Bat-Voice was exactly the way it should have been. Honestly, If I were suddenly grabbed by a great big bat-like person and instantly zipped to the top of a tall building, and then that man was growling at me - I wouldn't stop and think "Hey, that's just cheesy..." No, I'd probably pee my pants and so would you. At a time when adrenaline is pumping through your body and all your senses are heightened, the experience would be burned into your memory. Had Bruce Wayne used his normal voice, the next time you heard him on TV you would instantly know it.

One thing I learned in film school (which is what I call the film class I took in regular school) is that the true way to measure the quality of a movie is in its believability. The Bat-Voice makes the Bruce Wayne/Batman character seem more real and therefore more believable, whereas a regular voice would only make the scenario less plausible.


By the way, Christian Bale lost his voice three times during the filming of Batman Begins. That's dedication.

Introducing Crutch Boy: the Superhero with Crutches

At some point in every man's life, he needs to come up with his own original Superhero. This one is mine, loosely based on myself.


I first thought of this idea several years ago. For those of you who don't know me personally, I've been through a total of 5 knee surgeries. My condition is another story for another time, but suffice it to say it wasn't an injury and I currently have an important knee-part that used to belong to someone else. All but one of my surgeries required 6-8 weeks on crutches as well as a significant amount of time in physical therapy. At the age of 24, I had spent over 2% of my life on crutches.

Those of you who have had similar experiences can appreciate that crutches become an integral part of your life - almost an extension of you. They go with you everywhere you go, including your dreams. You learn to become an expert in using them not only for getting around, but for other things as well. On more than one occasion I've missed my crutches. One example is that with them I could easily reach the light switch from the bed. Without them I have to get up and take a few steps. This background should help you understand where I'm coming from with my superhero: Crutch Boy.

After jotting down my ideas, I quickly realized that I can't fit all the aspects of this hero into one post. For now I will introduce you to Crutch Boy's key feature: his crutches. You'll notice in the illustration above that with them, he can fly.

Here's a more detailed view of everything Crutch Boy's crutches allow him to do:



The colors are just for the illustration. They're actually much more discreet and look like any other set of crutches to the casual observer.

The two crutches are slightly different. Both are equipped with little rocket boosters that enable flight, as well as hollow chambers to store the jet fuel. The throttle is near the handle and responds roughly the same as the throttle on an ATV or dirt bike. Not just anybody can pick up these bad boys and fly - the control and balance require the upper body strength that only comes with having spent years walking around with crutches. Also, Crutch Boy has the option of using the jet fuel as a makeshift Rocket Propelled Grenade. He just has to swivel the end around so the rocket booster is facing him. He must use discretion in using this because once the RPG is gone, he obviously can't use that crutch for flying.

Both crutches also have a main weapon that fires a sort of souped-up tranquilizer. There isn't a needle - it works by blasting micro pellets into the skin like a shotgun to allow quicker absorption, but without doing any permanent damage. It instantly paralyzes the enemies (notice the irony) rendering them incapable of any movement for specified amount of time. One of the crutches also has a pop-out scope and is capable of firing long distance tranquilizer darts.

Both also have retractable claws. I'm sure they'll come in handy.

The main difference between the two crutches is the alternative weapon. One will be equipped with a compact version of the Long Range Acoustic Device (LRAD) and the other will have a mini Electro-Magnetic Pulse gun (EMP). Not sure what those are? Check out these videos from the Discovery Channel's "Future Weapons." Here is the LRAD demo and here is the EMP demo. Pretty flippin' sweet.

The LRAD (pronounced "el-rad") continues with the ironic weaponry theme. Set to a certain power, the noise becomes so excruciating that the enemy is forced to cover his ears with his hands, thus he essentially loses the use of his arms. This is also a really spiffy ninja weapon because it can cause sound waves to bounce of of nearby surfaces and thus Crutch Boy can confuse his enemy. It's like a really effective way of throwing your voice or any other sound effect. If you didn't click to watch the video, go back and do it because it's seriously awesome, as is just about everything else on the Discovery Channel.

I chose the EMP because it's 2009, and to be an effective thug, you need to have at least some technological savvy. Many of Crutch Boy's foes will rely on gadgets, and an EMP can disable any electronic gadget.

So there you have it! Stay tuned to learn more about Crutch Boy, including the story of his origin and a list of his arch-enemies. One of these days I'll even get around to writing specific episodes. Here are a few parting thoughts:

• Don't anybody steal my idea. All my blog followers are witnesses that I thought of it first.
  
• Feedback is welcome. Specifically, I don't really like the name "Crutch Boy" but I don't know what else to call him. Maybe the comments section can be a "name the Super-hero" contest. Winner gets a credit in the movie.
  
• If you couldn't already tell, I need an illustrator. This is an open invitation to anyone. Just contact me and we'll get to work on our first comic book. If not, I'll figure it out.
  
  
  

My brilliant snow removal invention

Why hasn't anyone thought of this? Here's the idea I had when I was shoveling snow this week:


That's right, a flamethrower/driveway de-snower. If I worked in research and development somewhere, this would be happening all over America. Driveways would be clear in 30 seconds flat, and families would have more time to spend together sledding and building snow-men. Family relationships would improve, kids would get into less trouble, people would just be happier all around, and eventually all the world's problems would be solved.

I should be in charge of more things.

I'm a genius (at least in my sleep)

Ever have a great idea in your dream? Last night I came up with a winner. This dream was influenced by the fact that I have been swimming a TON lately, as well as the fact that I'm nearing the end of my 21 years of formal education and getting ready to settle down somewhere and eventually build a home.

So there I was, in dreamland, in my future bedroom. It was like my current bedroom in that Melissa and I had separate closets. Unlike my current room, it was very large and the closets went back about 30 feet (lucky Melissa, right?). In between the closet doors was a really big drawer. I pulled on the handle and found a swimming pool. That's right, a pool. The drawer just kept coming further and further out the more I pulled and eventually made it to the opposite wall. When fully extended, it made for a nice lap pool. I could hop in and swim right through the wall and into the far end of the closet. My future dream house (pun) had a secret pool in the bedroom! This may be the best idea I've ever had!

When I woke up I immediately started thinking about it and came up with two obstacles (I'm sure there are many more).
1- the sheer weight of the pool would prevent my simply pulling the drawer open. Solution- some sort of machine to do it for me, like a garage door opener but somehow cleverly blended into the room design.
2- in theory, when the drawer is closed, the water would be twice as deep. As soon as I open the drawer water would spill out all over (I'm sure you've seen the science fair project where someone puts tubes in various water glasses to demonstrate water pressure - that same principle is working against me). Solution- one idea is to have some sort of cover like a tarp that seals into the edges of the drawer as it opens. It could be hidden in the wall above the drawer. Once the pool is fully extended I could remove it and begin my swim. Another idea would be just to have the volume of the extended drawer be 2x the amount of water I use. I'd probably want high walls to prevent me splashing water everywhere anyway, right?

I've probably spent too much time on this idea as it is, but when I woke up this morning I was convinced I was a genius.

So there you have it. Let me know if any of you have ever had a great dream idea and if it panned out.

Related pictures:

Here's an idea

A reality TV show where anti-death penalty protesters and inmates currently on death row are sent to live together on a deserted island. Bonus: in order to keep their behavior true to form we don't send any video cameras but instead we just send someone by after a few years to see what happened.

This idea came to while driving home from my rotation at the HIV clinic this afternoon. I was listening to these guys talk about this guy and describing the gruesome, brutal murders he committed.

With My Own Two Hands

A couple nights ago I stayed in the lab late to set some teeth in a denture. You may remember from my previous rant that setting teeth isn't my favorite thing to do. However, as I was working on this denture this song came up on the shuffle setting of my iPod and I got to thinking about the unique opportunity I have as a dental student.

You see, in the real world of dentistry, the dentist doesn't actually make the denture. He or she takes the impressions and sends the casts to a lab for the dentures to be made. This is much more cost effective.

Anyway, as I was skipping out on sleep to make the denture I thought about the patient I was making them for. Back when we first met I knew within a few minutes that he really messed up his life using meth, among other drugs. This wreaked havoc on his dentition, as is usually the case, and had to wear a colostomy bag for some time. Upon looking in his mouth I knew right away we would be pulling the remaining teeth and making him a denture. I wasn't too delighted about this and didn't have much pity on him because I felt he brought this all on himself.

Since then I have gotten to know this patient pretty well and realize that, although he made some serious mistakes when he was younger and more susceptible to the tugs and pulls of the world, he is now one of the most humble and caring people I know. I think when you really get to know just about anybody you understand that they are an individual with thoughts and feelings not too terribly different from your own. During our appointments this past quarter we enjoyed discussing the American Idol contestants, politics, and many other things. Also, working on him wasn't as appalling as I was expecting - he has great personal hygiene and usually smells nice.

This reassured me that I chose the right career. I really found joy in doing something for this man that he would appreciate and couldn't do for himself - incidentally those two things constitute my father's definition of a good Christmas present. This sort of gift is reflective of what our Savior did for us.

Don't get me wrong, in and of itself I don't enjoy making dentures, but it is a good opportunity to serve others.

And now, a picture of the set of dentures I made last year for the class where we learned how to make them. Yes those are my clothes in the background, no I wasn't making dentures in the nude.