All I Wanted was a Pepsi

So there I was, in the kitchen trying to get two Pepsis my wife had put in the freezer for us 15 minutes earlier. She had warned me that one was probably going to fall out and I should be careful but did I listen? Nope. In fact, her warning totally went under my radar until I saw the blurry blue cylinder dropping towards my feet.

The very same second I heard the thump of the can hitting the ground, I was blinded by the sweet, sticky beverage which had wisely used it's first strike to take out my sight. Standing there with eyes closed, I felt a cool swath across both knees and thought, "Oh crap, this isn't over." Straining to see, I caught a glimpse of the can and the three Pepsi streams it had shooting in three different directions. Also, I knew that with my impaired vision I couldn't be sure, but the can appeared to be break-dancing.

After cleansing my eyes as thoroughly as one possibly can with the back of one's hand in .5 seconds, I dropped to the ground and apprehended the rogue Pepsi. After putting a halt to the spinning nonsense, I cupped my hand over the "business end" of my newly discovered enemy and ran it to the sink, where I learned that 50% of the content was still intact. The other 50% I discovered was evenly spread throughout the bathroom and kitchen. The whole incident took all of 3 seconds, but I spent the next 3 minutes assessing the casualties. The more places I looked, the more teeny tiny Pepsi spots I discovered. Ground zero had a diameter of 15 feet, and would have been even larger if we had a bigger kitchen.

All I wanted was a Pepsi.

The Internet just got a little bit cooler

(you click on the little gray square next to the decision you want to make.)

Too funny not to share

On the flight home from Washington I was watching Comedy Central and was introduced to this comic genius! This is his best bit that I found on YouTube. Seriously I love his style.

Funny News Bloopers

Melissa and I were totally cracking up watching news bloopers the other night. Here are our favorite gems, beginning with this one that just happened this week:

This one is only funny in the first 20 seconds, after that they just make fun of her a little. A perfect example of the media trying to make the news bigger than it really is:

You might want to keep your kids away from this weatherman:

This guy has a contagious laugh:

Here's another good one:

The runner-up for my favorite:

And finally, this one which is definitely my favorite. Worth watching a couple times to see the co-anchor's reaction:

Ninja cat!

Now that you know about my ninja obsession, I feel obligated to share with you the joys of "ninja cat." Watch it come closer without moving. He has truly mastered the art of stealth.

Need a good laugh?

I know I've just been posting videos lately, but this one is just too funny and it only takes a minute.

Headswap!

I saw other examples of this on the internet and wanted to give it a try. I'll be honest, I laughed for two minutes straight when I was done.

What do you call a nun who sleepwalks?

A roamin' catholic.

Today was the first time in a long time that I actually laughed at a laffy-taffy joke. Then I got to thinking - it's been a while since I've heard any new jokes. Please, help update my arsenal of jokes by leaving a comment with a good joke.

Garfield minus Garfield

If you haven't heard of this yet, I highly recommend checking out this site. It's a simple premise - any talking animals are removed from the comic strip, resulting in Jon Arbuckle appearing extremely lonely and crazy.

The website's self description:

Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb.

It took a minute for me to start thinking it was funny. In fact, some of them are just outright sad, but the more I read it the more I laughed and by about 10 minutes in I was laughing so hard I was crying! Then it kind of wore off a little. I think it adds to the effect to read it all at once.

Recently, Jim Davis, creator of Garfield, gave his permission for the creator of the site to publish a Garfield minus Garfield book.

Best tattoos in the world!

This week there is a new book out entitled "No Regrets". The authors scoured the country documenting the worst tattoos they came across. Here are a few of my favorites from this set released to abc news.

I miss the sticks

Not that I've ever seen a tractor pull, but it's been far too long since I've seen a good demolition derby.

RIP!

This was my nephew Jackson's view as he laid there with no air in his lungs wondering what just happened.

It's not such a small world afterall.....

I just overheard this the other day, but apparently the reason the "it's a small world" ride at Disneyland has been closed all year is because they are re-vamping the ride to keep up with the ever-expanding waistline of the average American. I just verified this with a quick google search that turned up this little article which points out that the ride was designed in 1963 when the average male weighed around 175, and the average female was 135. Recently, however, the boats have been getting stuck. Rather than making a large sign out front instructing that passengers must be this "small" to ride (my idea), Disney decided to renovate.

A wise man once said, "How ironic. You came here with a mouse in a bottle. Now you are the mouse."

Jordy's at it again!

Here's a couple funny stories from our crazy son this week:

1. For a few months he has been obsessed with basketball. I claim partial credit for this because we have a nerf hoop in our living room and he used to love watching me shoot. Now his favorite thing is for me to lift him up so he can dunk and we both cheer. A few days ago I was in the bedroom and could hear splashing coming from down the hall and his tiny voice shouting, "Ba-ball! Ba-ball!" So I go check on him and he's got a football and nerf basketball floating in the toilet!

Here's a picture from a little earlier this evening - keep in mind this happened with only about 20 seconds of unsupervised freedom. He's figured out how to lift the lid so it's time to start shutting the bathroom door.




If you look closely there's a SUDOKU book, a spoon, apricot scrub, and a ballpoint pen. He's holding the toilet bowl brush. By my count that's 8 points going on 10.

2. If Dad's teaching him how to play basketball, then Mom's teaching him to, uh, shave her legs. Yup, the kid genius has seen it enough that he figured it out. Melissa was sitting at the computer surfing the web and she felt Jordan put something on her leg. She looked down to see him holding her razor with the most determined expression on his face, as he slid it back and forth.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha

I guess that's the meaning of irony.

Picture made me laugh